Wish List (Do What You Love)

A psychologist friend of mine recently called to say that she was going on a professional wish binge. She has a solid practice, which she built many years ago by making good contacts, giving talks and teaching a few courses around her town. She does not take insurance, does not even give clients a statement to submit to insurance. She gives them a receipt and if they want a bill, they can make it themselves and she will sign it. She has not availed herself to the many good ideas of the practice building coaches or product development folks who are taking the practice of psychotherapy to new and broad based marketing levels, advocating multiple streams of income, selling e-books and audio downloads, phone coaching, etc. She happily practices straight forward psychotherapy, charges what she charges and makes fee adjustments rarely.

Already sounds good. So what's the wish binge. She now wants to work only with clients who are serious about working on their stuff. Who not only come on time, pay full fee and talk about their stuff, but and and who are thoroughly engaged, interested in their psyches and unconscious, and who are at least occasionally interested in her interpretations and analyses.

She does not want to absorb their bad feelings, or hear their complaints. If they want to vent, that's fine, but she does not want to have any hostile, angry, rebellious, demanding, frustrated, depressed people. And she wants progress. No chronic depression, unending anxiety or endlessly dissatisfied fighting couples.

She no longer wants to work with resistance. That's the wish binge. She wants the feeling of effective good work in each session. And if not, good bye. She does not want to have to broker all the feelings that come at her, that come up in more difficult cases. Or even in less difficult ones, where times are really tough.

Okay, I know. Maybe she is burnt out. Maybe she is dreaming. Maybe she's got too many clients. Maybe she is just a brat. Actually, at her own admission, she has said this is a possibility, but she has earned it. She has been working long and hard. And wants to be more selective, much much more selective about who she works with, and what kind of work she does.

I am always the first to say that we should not work with anyone we don't want to work with. We don't all have to work with anger or depression or fighting amygdalas. We can see if things are a good match when we meet someone initially. Only, the problem is, sometimes all the regression and progression doesn't show up so early on....

Its a freedom, though, I think. To be able to be choosy. To decide what degree of difficulty we want, and to say no when we would rather not encounter so much resistance. But resistance is unavoidable, largely, and I tell her this. To which she replied that while she appreciates my candor, she is going to do what she wants anyway. But she'll think about being more patient with the slow movers in her practice. And she will enjoy her wishes. She will even analyze them with her own therapist. Always a good idea.

Still and all, I like the topic. Going beyond all the "ideal client" marketing jargon and really giving ourselves permission to learn about what kind of work we really want to be doing. Not just what kind of client we want to work with or issues we want to hear about.

With so many options these days for how to practice and where to direct energy and spend time, I think it comes down to doing what you love. Really doing what you love. Really really. Figuring out what it is, even if it changes from time to time, and doing it. And weeding out the distractions and unnecessary tasks, and committing to pouring your heart into what you want to be doing and doing it. Brat and all.

P.S. On a slightly different note...Don't miss this article on Effectiveness at Psychotherapy.net