More And On: Fees Fees Fees but The Love Is Free

Still a hot topic. Money. And thanks to those of you who have contacted me about the earlier post on lowering fees. And to the good folks at http://www.psychotherapy.net/ for publishing a full blown article (that I wrote) on the topic. http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/lowering_fees_in_hard_times

I am reminded of practice building coach Casey Truffo's story that she tells about how she made many mistakes starting her own practice, how she spent money on the wrong things, got herself into debt and had to do a complete turnaround. (which she did). And I am reminded of the opening chapter to her book, Be A Wealthy Therapist which she electronically gifted to anyone who wanted it, "The Love Is Free."

And I quote:

"There is a parable about a kindly psychiatrist treating a very depressed
and lonely woman. Through tears, the client tells the therapist, “I don’t like that I
have to pay you to love me.” And the psychiatrist says, “You pay me
for my education, my efforts, my time, and my commitment. the
love is free.”


I think that some clients actually relish paying our fee. It makes them feel confident, competent and worthy. And it gives them permission to go right ahead and use the time as they like. To speak out all their stuff, demand, rant, cry and keep our rapt attention for the full 50 minutes. The fee gives them full out freedom to be a client. They are paying and can feel free to take the attention they came for.

So, I used to think it was just me. I felt so loved when someone "treated" to coffee, or did not charge me for something. As if not having to shell out some cash translated into me holding some special status, or being understood in a deep and profound way.

I have long been studying money issues and have come to understand that: a) Lots of people feel loved when they don't have to pay; b) And fear is often right next to love at the heart of money issues.

An old friend of mine used to say that money regresses us all back to infancy when we could just get our milk free and clear in the loving arms of mama. We could demand, and we would get fed. At least at the beginning. I think many folks really are afraid on both ends, of not having enough, and of having too much.

One woman I know gets an anxiety attack whenever she makes a purchase. Getting new couches almost sent her to the ward. Of course after having unpacked this with her therapist, many good nuggets of knowledge came out of it, such as learning of her fear of having more than her parents did, not being worthy, maintaining a feeling of safety in the familiar feeling of having less than than her sister. Lots of good stuff.

I think there are lots of ways this translates into practice for we clinicians. Not just on the receiving end, but the giving end as well. How many of us have feelings about paying our therapist? (How many of us are in therapy?) Do we invest in ourselves and pay our therapists and supervisors happily? Do we talk about it with them? Do we feel loved if they reduce their fee for us?

Or victorious?

So what's Casey's point. Right. Pays to invest in good information. Pays to be generous.

Mine: Pays to talk it. Always more to learn.