Contact Anxiety Amongst Ourselves

Okay, it's a little unexpected, but altogether very human, no? When therapists are anxious about contacting or connecting with other therapists. I find this to be true in the groups that I run as well as the ones that I participate in, as well the phone calls I get, the supervision requests, and the plain ole "hey, got a question for you" emails.

In fact, email seems to be easier, and some find that listservs, blog posts and message boards are the more comfortable way to go. But the phone seems to have become larger than life for some. Just outright frightening. I am really studying why this is. What is it about live contact with a colleague that makes us jittery?

From what I hear, it's pretty surface, and very deep. Both. We are wanting connection, but we are unsure about what that will mean. How will we viewed. Will we be competitive? Will we seem smart, approachable, capable? If we say everything we think, will we be liked still? Respected? Admired? Will we have the good feelings we seek? Should we avoid conflict, or swim through it to the other side? Will we get hurt? How vulnerable should we seem, how likable are we? How do we sound? Will we feel a connection or a disconnect?

Even at conferences, maybe especially at conferences, our defenses seem to soar. How do we give off the air of confidence, friendliness, professionalism, and yet ask for something we might need. Like help with a case, a new idea, a good ear. A feeling of being in the know.

I do hear a lot of therapists tell me that they are often times hesitant to reach out. We are so used to practicing alone. It becomes almost a badge of honor. I always joke to my kids that if I am late to work my boss will get mad at me. They say, "Ma, you work for yourself!" And I say, "Exactly."

But I think it's more than that. I think we think we are suppose to know and not need. It seems silly to say it, but I think its true. We have this pesty little idea that because we do what we do, we are suppose know what to do, what to say, how to be. We are not suppose to feel ill at ease, clueless or needy. Or anxious. We are suppose to have our feet planted firmly, be successful, competent and trained.

Well and most of us are. Mostly. We sometimes get reved up in the presence of each other. I'm thinking it's okay. I'm thinking that as as long as we sort of know it, and it does not get in the way of reaching out for what we need, or getting the connections we can benefit from, that the rev is not so bad. Just being mindful of it its helpful.

That, and that we are all, most of time, in the same boat.