Cancellations, Fleeing Clients and "Oh, yes, I did say that"

I own it. I say the wrong thing sometimes. Rarely, but it happens. Rule of thumb: When a client cancels for some reason that makes little or no sense, or a lot of sense but it just does not feel right to you, then its a good idea to take a look at the last session. Yes, yes, I know, there are a million and one resistances. And we try to study them and work with them. Yadda Yadda. But how often does it happen that a client comes in and tell you, "you know, you said a really dumb thing last week, and you made me feel like garbage." Not often. It does happen, either with the very narcissistic or the very well, or well trained patients, who know they are suppose to tell you when you say or do something they don't particularly like.

I had a wonderful client of mine try to flee recently. All the sudden the time wasn't good for her, the sun was too bright, it was too expensive, she feels better suddenly. Fortunately, she was willing to come in and chew it over one "last" time. (Not that I suggest trying to get someone to stay if it's not clinically indicated...but) So I asked her, "Did I say something last time that bothered you?" (or for the more defended, "Was there something troubling about the last session?" Or "Was something said that was bothersome?" ... Keeping all egos as safe as possible).

Yes, in fact, I had suggested (gulp, me? suggest? really?) I suppose I did, suggest, that she change jobs. It's just that she had been complaining about her boss, her salary, her commute, her work load, her opposition to the morals of her company, for oh, lets say, about three years. Well, maybe not, but seemed like it to me. Must be I hit the wrong note. So I said this. "Must be I hit the wrong note." And she said that I most certainly did. With all the stress she is under, for me to then say that she is not good at what she does and should stop doing it!" (did I say that?) Well, it's what she heard. And it was right there in the transference. I think I was thinking that she should change jobs.

Okay, so just goes to show. We don't always know where we are walking. Or how our words will be interpreted. But we sorted it out, and she's back in the groove. And I am reminded of how important words are, and how attentive we need to be when using them. They really do make an impact. More than we realize sometimes.

Good to know.